I am a product junkie-- I trade in my makeup and skincare routine about once a month, and every time there's this adrenaline rush as I read through the reviews for this serum or that facial mask: maybe, just maybe, this time I will finally have un-dark-circles, smoother skin, less blemishes, longer lashes, darker eyeliner, forever matte lipstick, perfect blush colors, impeccable brows, less scarring, more glow, more rosiness, less redness, etc, etc, etc.

There is no miracle product, I know, but I can't help but buy into the myth, week after week. My latest choice left me laughing, and I thought I would share it with you, at least before I throw it out and rush into Sephora (again).


See that seething mass of greyish, lumpy, unappealing gunk? Its a facial mask by Lush called Cosmetic Warrior, which is "SO FRESH" that it must be refrigerated immediately upon purchase, and then thrown out at its 4 month expiration date. Why, you ask, does it even have an expiration date? (And why would I even put something that looked like that on my face?)

I will quote the website word for word to answer your questions:

Cosmetic Warrior's arrival by express post at your doorstep ought to be accompanied by the sound of a symphony orchestra playing Hollywood style 'here comes the hero' music, but you probably just get the postman saying 'parcel for you, love.' The garlic and tea tree are magnificently anti-bacterial, fighting some of the worst causes of spots while each drop of honey and each molecule of grape juice soothes your troubled skin. The free-range eggs feed your skin protein and act as an astringent. When you have spots, you absolutely must be gentle with your skin, even if it’s being horrid to you. Plaster Cosmetic Warrior all over a troublesome face and let the forces of nature take on your annoying skin.

If you only skimmed that paragraph over (it was unbearably long, I'm sorry) let me sweetly paraphrase it for you. I spent the last two weeks putting these ingredients on my face:

• GARLIC
• TEA TREE OIL
• HONEY
• GRAPE JUICE
• and FREE-RANGE EGGS
• Oh, but no preservatives, lucky me. Hooray.
• And by the way this disgusting cocktail of facial horror cost me around $10.

As an added bonus, I get to look like this:

from Flickr user ritalin

Yep. So not only do I get to smell like a wet dog sprinkled with vomit, I also get to look like one.





But you know what? I believe that beauty comes at a price, and that sometimes we all need to take sacrifices, and that you need to balance the positives with the negatives. In other words, I would wholeheartedly keep this lovely mask and even (gasp!) repurchase it if it worked, despite the smell, the look, the price, and the shortest shelf-life ever.

Really, I would. IF ONLY IT WORKED.

(Thankfully it didn't make my skin any worse than usual, but it did cause me some significant reduction in self esteem, thanks to the ridicule I received from my roommates.)





Saddest beauty product experiment ever. Sigh.